"Siren Stories" X-Files: Tragic Trust

Long, Long ago while I was still reeling from my incredibly traumatic childhood - I loved to blog. Some time around 2010 however, people just didn't want to read anymore, not that it stopped me? I have basically been writing since I was in kindergarten. 

I got my first typewriter when I was roughly 7 years old and immediately typed a 'book' (1 paragraph chapters - should have been a Pulitzer.

Just as the art of writing was dying however, I was embarking on a mission to improve my mental health and become a better and more mentally sound wife, mother & person. 

I withdrew from friends, social media - focused on my family and for the last 10 years? I haven't gone more than 90 days without a mental health appointment.

When our closest friend, Raven* (who we really considered family and my kids called 'Aunty') left her long term abusive relationship and found herself struggling with severe trauma and PTSD? I decided to do whatever I could to be the best friend possible. I hold 17 certifications in victims' advocacy, and 5 different psychological certifications focusing on trauma informed care and family therapy. 

I just wanted to be the best support to her I could. 

It was 2020, and in the midst of the pandemic the company we were renting our house from monthly, decided it was time to cut their losses. Thankfully we had been already been new home shopping. We had picked out a modular home already, but we hadn't found property to put it on. Being Christmas and having not gone back to our home state of Minnesota in 8 Years- we called Raven and asked if my kids & I could come see her for the Holidays while my husband Eric* returned to the city we called home and continued shopping for property.

Immediately upon our arrival it was clear to me that the dissolution of her abusive relationship had ripped through her family like a tidal wave. Court dates, and supervised visits, therapists, groups, a college course load and even special 'brain therapy' were just some of the things that consumed her week. She looked defeated, but fighting for your daughter's life can have that affect on a mom - and the worst part was? She wasn't winning. 

Raven was trying to navigate a fairly new relationship - a 2 year old with energy that was immeasurable and a teenager who was under so much stress she could barely smile..... The stress in the air felt like the worst form of sadness and misery I had ever experienced.  After only a few weeks, I asked Raven if she wanted us to stay longer. Our things were in storage and we hadn't settled on a piece of property yet- and before we did Eric & I talked about the fact that Raven was in desperate need of support - and decided to offer to stay with her, help with the kids, and help with the bills. (Read the full story in "Unimaginable Nightmare"). 

LONG STORY Short, in the first year more Raven's life took more tragic hits - just too many to be honest - after losing her job, undergoing an emergency medical procedure and a plethora of other tragedies,  we decided to make an offer - we wanted equity and investment of our own. Up until that point we had been paying for both family's meal expenses, various utilities that weren't in our name - and despite her best efforts? She truly wasn't doing much better mentally. We proposed an assumable mortgage, allowing our name to be on the house, with a contract in place protecting the investment she had already made. She would still own her home- but with us as well, and in the event it needed to be sold she would keep 60% of any profit. We just didn't want to keep throwing money into something that wasn't in any way shape or form an asset to us, especially because of the investment opportunity waiting for us in AL. 

Trauma, has a way of basically inducing constant fear and distrust. I really should have seen her deterioration but in the end of the day- there is only so much you can do for someone suffering from PTSD and Trauma. 

Trust me - I know - because what ended up happening out of the blue? Caused me to just have to fight 18 months and I am currently only 32 days free of my heart and mind betraying me. From April 8, 2023 until October 22, 2024 I had to fight like hell against myself just to function - and nearly every day I felt I fell below my own standard, but I kept fighting and improving. 

I will say - despite all the things I've been through in my life- My mother dying 2 weeks before my 13th birthday- being forced to live with an abusive father who I then ran away from at 15, took him to court - and been on my own since 16 - had a child at 20 and zero family support- just me and my husband. Most of my life has somewhat been a fight? But NOTHING WILL EVER compare to this last year.... at least I hope to GOD it doesn't ..... My absolute best friend in the world - who I wanted to help more than anything - couldn't fight through it and when a traumatized person's brain goes into overdrive - fearful - and not thinking clearly? 

They can become completely terrifying and dangerous - Me? I spent way to much time this year being absolutely VILE to the people I cared the most about .... but how it all happened - and how I managed to find my way to the other side and what I am doing to ensure I get to keep my healthier brain on top of my shoulders? 

Will have to wait until the next time I have time to write .... 

Be sure to check back as I am building the website and plan to use this blog to help organize my thoughts and practice my animation skills for the FULL series of Siren Stories - Which you can learn more about HERE. 

And be sure to like and subscribe on YouTube as that will be where they start getting posted! 

Thanks for reading - and be good to yourselves - and EACHOTHER.